Julie's Boggle

There is so much that is good in South Africa… and internet access for the masses simply cannot be put into that category.

Here ADSL is a rare and expensive luxury. Coming back to the good old US Robotics 56k fax-modem, connected at – wait for it – 33.2kpbs, I feel like I’m going slowly mad! All the buzzing, clicking, beeping and little donging noises as it connects – it used to be so much a part of life but I was never sorry to say goodbye to it.

I can only conclude that Telkom and the internet service providers here, have got it far too good.

One of the best options I’ve seen is a modest 1 meg connection with a 3 gig cap – and that will set you back R600 or £45! In the UK, we pay just over £20 for a 2 meg connection with NO cap! And that’s really just about the UK government saying “Hey, getting everyone connected is good for the country, lets make it happen”… It worked for them, if only the SA government would follow suit.

In the meanwhile, I’ve practically given up on reading my mail. Watching all these browser windows ticking over as their content trickles down would try the patience of someone a lot stronger than me.

On the plus side, we’re having a really great holiday. The weather could not be better, and all our boxes from storage have been delivered, and dealt with as per my original plan of fitting it all in within a week. Woo-hoo! As of today we have 24 boxes all packed and ready for collection next week (to be seen again in London in about 2 months) and now we can really relax and enjoy our next 10 days with family and friends.

Well for my first encounter with Business Class long-haul travel, all I can say is that the space per passenger is just AMAZING. I didn’t try but it looked like I’d just about be able to lie down completely in the space between my chair and the seat in front! [Picture coming later when I don't have to contend with dial-up internet access.]

The other part of the experience is the treatment that you get from the stewards – it’s like being a guest just arrived at a 5-star hotel. I’ve never had a flight be an enjoyable part of a holiday before but this was cool. And the lie-flat beds? Well they really worked too!

I think it’s because it’s so long since we’ve been back to SA, but I’m getting really keyed up for our trip! So many friends and family to see and it feels like forever (not just 18 months) since we were last back.

Even more fun is the fact that we’ve used air-miles to upgrade to Business Class. My first experience of that on a long-haul flight. Lie-flat beds ! Mmmmm.

(Ah, and depending on internet access etc. there might be a bit of a holiday from blog entries too… Watch this space!)

Note to anyone needing to do anything with SA citizenship – it’s not South Africa House you want, but the SA Consulate in Whitehall. This is useful to know because it adds quite a few minutes to your journey -even if you’re jogging; you have to cross multiple roads around Trafalgar Square and dodge crowds the whole way down to Whitehall.

Somewhat hot and sweaty, I got into the lobby of 15 Whitehall to find it crowded with people. The only vaguely official-looking person (an elderly Englishman in a suit waving a battered piece of paper) was in the middle of an argument with a young man who had travelled a long way only to find his passport wasn’t ready. As it was already past 12, I eventually interrupted them to say that I was late for a 12h00 appointment.

The official guardian of the doors was a thin rake of a man, who at close quarters smelt like he’d already had a tot or two of something in his morning tea. After scrutinising his schedule for a while, I pointed out the slot with my name in it and then he started quizzing me on whether I was related to Chris Brazier. Baffled, I said no. As I edged towards the inner doors he told me that I should look up my history as Chris Brazier was quite famous for something or other.

He unlocked the door with a security code and I escaped into the inner chamber. More chaos. This room was heaving with people (apparently they had made a mix-up and double-booked all the appointments for today) and swelteringly humid. In one of his many trips to and from the inner sanctum, our eccentric friend from outside announced – with another waft of alcoholic vapours – that the air-conditioning was on, but not working. The overall atmosphere of disorder was not helped by several hot and crotchety babies who seemed to be taking it in turns to make their frustrations known.

Almost an hour and a half later (and 45 minutes after the stated closing time), they finally reached the 12h00 appointments.

I showed all my papers to one of the clerks behind the counter and did my best to explain the situation. When she asked for my UK naturalisation certificate (Drat! why didn’t they tell me I needed that!) I was feeling like maybe this was all going to work out alright. Then she said that it was needed so that they could prepare a letter cancelling my South African passport. Noooooo!

Having established that I hadn’t brought it with me and that -no- I wasn’t going to be able to magically make it appear before her before I got on the plane tomorrow, she asked me to go over to the interview room.

Once there she told me that, off-the-record, I should just use my SA passport tomorrow because they wouldn’t be able to give me a cancellation letter without my naturalisation papers and I shouldn’t travel on my UK passport without the letter. Sigh. And very much a you-weren’t-here-and-I-didn’t-say-this-to-you sort of interchange. So I don’t know what to think – have I not actually lost my citizenship until I produce the paperwork?

In between all this I really tried hard to convince her of the accidental nature of it all, but she could only shrug – clearly this wasn’t something she had authority to override. In the end I did get some reassurance that the letter I need to come back for would actually grant me rights to live and work in SA, and claim back my citizenship once I go back permanently.

But she couldn’t just make it all ok. Which was only what I’d expected, not what I’d hoped for.

I did have the consolation of knowing that there were people a lot worse off than me waiting to be seen. There was a tourist couple who had been the victims of a handbag theft and were now one passport down. They’d been waiting since 10h00 for a gap. And another woman who didn’t even have a birth certificate because she’d left SA with her parents as refugees from the Apartheid government. (Her parents didn’t register her because they were an illegal mixed-race couple.) She’s already experienced lots of beaurocratic bungling and has more paperwork nightmares ahead of her… (She must really love Cape Town to go through all this to live there.)

On the plus side, I do have my holiday to look forward to, and I guess there’s nothing for it but to forget all this for three weeks and enjoy my break!

A rather unwelcome discovery recently was that despite a number of changes to the rules and regulations in 2004, the South African government still take it rather personally if you don’t ask them before applying for a second citizenship.

When I started down the road to British citizenship, I was aware that I first needed to fill in a bunch of paperwork for the South African side – just in order to be allowed to hold two citizenships. I jumped through many hoops and got my hands on a precious letter from the UK home office (precious because it took two tries and the better part of two months to get it!), declaring that I was not already a British citizen.

(This letter was the document on which the South African application was founded.)

Not really knowing what they actually were going to do with it all, I thought I should hang onto all of the SA paperwork, and this letter, until I was about to apply for my UK citizenship. But then our trip to Australia was too close, I couldn’t risk sending off my passport, so it all went on hold for few months.

In the interim the letter from the home office expired (in the eyes of the South Africans) because it was more than 3 months old.

Round about that time there was much joy and merriment because some of the rules were being relaxed. It was no longer necessary for a South African to have a letter to use a UK passport. (NOTE: as long as any visits home were done on their SA passport.) I read all the pages on the SA consulate website and concluded that I was safe. The letter was no longer required. Shred the paperwork, and full steam ahead with the UK application.

Two years on, and one British passport later, it appears that it was all very misleading. You DO still need to apply to SA for a letter (another letter!) for permission to get ANOTHER citizenship. And if you don’t do this first, you automatically lose your South African citizenship.

Which puts me in a rather unfortunate position right now And complicated because travelling back to SA this week, I really need to know which passport I should rightly be using…

Thinking that I might not be South African any more feels kind of odd… The UK passport was for convenience, I didn’t actually want to say goodbye to my roots just yet. (I read you can claim citizenship back if you return to SA permanently, but let’s face it, that will be a lot of hassle.)

With the travelling and all, I battered on the SA Consulate’s doors (emails, phone calls and snail-mail) until I was curtly told to make an appointment. That wasn’t easy either – and there’s a real oddball there called Mr Boston who leaves the most confusing voicemails – but I have my appointment on Wednesday.

So let’s hold thumbs for Wednesday that the plea of ignorance works. Because as far as I’m concerned, it’s all been a ghastly mistake… and I want my citizenship back !